Confession of a Hurt Daughter

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Growing up fatherless, you can be looked at in many negative ways. However, the aftermath had the most impact for me personally. See, being a fatherless girl is not easy and it comes along with the damage and baggage. You lose a part of you, in a sense.  The person who would help find your identity was not there raising you.

Even until this day, I have and am still healing. The effects of being a fatherless child is harsher than being teased as a kid or being a typical stereotype of a black teen. Moreover, the physiological distress is worse. My view points on men, love, self worth and marriage were manipulated at an early age. How? As child, I didn’t know what a marriage was. My father had an affair with my mom and I was a product of it. So automatically, marriage wasn’t something I dreamed about unlike most girls who came from a normal family setting.

My father not being around made me automatically think I was not good enough for him. He would rather raise children that weren’t his. Honestly, it was a slap in my face. What have I done wrong that my presence wasn’t good enough for him to stay? My father being out my life made me search in the wrong places for attention and affection. I didn’t understand what true love was, which is why I got mixed up into the wrong guys during my late years of high school all up until I met my husband.  Of course most people would say, shouldn’t you be worried about college? I didn’t have the support behind me and I was still unsure with myself on what I wanted to do.  So I took time off and during that time off I just focused on my social life; then, I realized how much toxic behavior I was dealing with when it came to dating.

My father not being around made me automatically think I was not good enough for him.

After being a fatherless child for so long, I started to change my views on life and teach myself to do better.

Once I stopped pitying myself, easing my hate with my father, and putting myself first, I realized how much I was hurting myself to fill a void of my father by dealing with toxic behaviors. Once I started treating myself better, something great came along. I got married, and ended up pregnant which was a blessing. I thought my life was getting even better, until I hit a low point in my life where I sought help during my pregnancy. I knew I had some underlying problems that I needed to speak on. I wanted to be a better version of myself for my family. I spoke to my OB and expressed my thoughts and he gave me a referral to a psychiatrist. At first I was on the fence about going. In the black community we tend not to seek help in fear of looking weak. But I knew that I couldn’t get better if I didn’t speak.

My physiatrist at the time helped me understand that my father’s mistakes were not mine to carry, but to learn from. She also stated that I owed it to myself to actually heal and not just shrug it off. She told me to look at myself in the mirror and realize everything I ever wanted to be was there. Ever since my visit with the physiatrist, I started seeing the woman I needed to be was in me once I stopped suppressing it with my pain.

My physiatrist at the time helped me understand that my father’s mistakes were not mine to carry, but to learn from.

Being fatherless child is more than missing the actual father. But the aftermath of it all. Though my father and I reconnected at my wedding, we knew that we had a long way to go. My father has his own demons that he battles with which affects our relationship. When he’s ready to grow,  I’ll be here. Until then, I have to keep going for myself and my family. Unfortunately, this is our reality of being a fatherless child.  If you felt like you were worthless or not good enough, just remember you’re more than enough.

Meet the Author:

My name is AAliyah Choi, I’m 23 years old and I reside in Virginia.  I am inspirational blogger.

Website: www.thatcystergirl.com

Facebook page: That Cyster Girl Blog

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