I lost my smile!
I’ve looked and looked and I don’t know where it could be. Could it be stolen like the rest of my stuff? Stolen right along with my compassion, trust, and peace of mind? How can someone just steal my smile? I didn’t authorize this!
But I guess it comes with the territory of being continuously betrayed and burdened with other people and their problems. Constantly dealing with someone else’s insecurities, denial, and faults. Those of whom carry self-pity accompanied with stale faces and empty souls. Cold as a Chicago winter, I let them enter my sunny summer days in Fuji with open arms not realizing that I let a thief walk pass and collect parts of me to replace what they lacked.
The reality of it all is that he took everything he needed to ensure his denial of his “accomplishments”. He used his most fluent language of deception to gain my trust time and time again. He knew no matter how much my mind would seem to know better my heart would tell me differently. And I would play along according to his plan.
He would tell me his ‘honest’ truth when and only when it was beneficial to him. He played me better than any game of spades or chess. He made sure I would be completely handicap when trying to find my place in the world. Aimlessly looking for loving relationships all while not trusting a soul with an encased heart surrounded by barb wire, followed by a shattered sense of compassion. Day in and day out I wreck my mind looking for the reason why. Trying to make sense of his purpose and actions.
But I guess that question will forever go unanswered. Because I am a fatherless daughter with only a sperm donor as a trace.
Author: Aja Symone
Read Our Last Post: My First Heartbreak
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