The Fatherless Bride

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In 2010 my dad was diagnosed with cancer. I immediately felt a knot forming in the pit of my stomach because I knew that diagnosis was a death sentence, it was only a matter of time. But I also knew my father, he was strong and resilient. He would fight for his life for as long as he could.

I was in college at the time and ever since that moment, being there was a struggle. I felt like I was wasting precious time away at school that I could’ve been spending with my father. However, the thought of dropping out never crossed my mind as I knew he wanted me to finish. I had 3 years left and I prayed constantly for God to allow him to live to see me graduate. God answered my prayers and in 2013 he was there to watch me walk across that stage. But cancer is a funny thing, it has an ebb and flow to it that nobody understands unless they’ve been through it or personally witnessed it. Within 6 months of me graduating my dad’s cancer had taken a turn for the worst. I found out on the day before my birthday that he was dying. I had just driven across the country to move to LA and pursue my dreams of working in the fashion industry. I immediately had to hop on a flight in hopes of having a moment with my dad before he left this world. I made it and sat with him but at that point he couldn’t speak. The nurses and doctors said he could hear though. I told him I loved him and watched him slowly fade away. One tear rolled down his cheek. It was a little after midnight, on my birthday, when he took his last breath.

Things were never quite right after that. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I go back to LA and finish what I started? Should I stay here in my hometown with my family and hope for the best? Ultimately, I decided to go back to LA as I knew my dad wouldn’t have wanted me to sit around sulking at home. I could hear his voice saying, “staying here won’t bring me back” and with that, I left. I knew life would not be the same for me. I’d be “that girl,” you know the one with the “dead father”. The one who avoids questions like “How are your parents?”. The one who has to deal with people’s awkwardness when you tell them your father passed. Yep, that’s me! And now that I’m getting married, I have to tune out questions like “are you doing a father/daughter dance?” I have to deal with the “Who is going to walk you down the aisle?” question as my uncle’s fight it out wanting to be picked. What no one understands is, I don’t care who walks me down the aisle. None of these men are my father. In all honesty, I’d rather walk down by myself or with my mom, but I know my uncles are just trying to help. 

Although, most would agree this story is sad. My dad passing on my birthday. Not having a father to do a father/daughter dance with. Having to deal with the awkward conversations that come from being in a situation like this. However, I have chosen to look at this in a different way. Yes, my father died on my birthday, but I don’t view it as a bad thing. I think it was his way of letting me know he’s okay now. It was the only gift he had left to give, and I was happy to know that he wasn’t in pain anymore. 

I now have a newfound appreciation for life. This situation has shown me a side of people I had not witnessed much before. Professors who feel like your school work is more important than what’s going on in your life. Bosses who feel like two weeks is plenty of time to grieve the loss of a parent. I don’t believe anything should come before my family or loved ones. I don’t believe in the notion of “you have to work so you can’t go home for the holidays.” I will not take a job if it means I have to constantly sacrifice time with people I love. No job, situation or opportunity is worth it. Spend time with the people you have while you have them. Don’t take any moment for granted, even the bad times. Give them that extra minute of your time, that extra hug, that extra kiss and know that the day will come when they won’t be here anymore and that’s life. Don’t be afraid of death as it is inevitable. Focus on the time you have and use it wisely. Life is too short.

Candice Symone is a fashion designer, YouTuber and eCommerce guru who loves to travel, cook and binge watch Netflix. She believes in going for what you want in life and doing things your way. 

Instagram: csymoneig 

YouTube: CSymoneMedia Website: www.csymone.com

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Understanding a Father’s Love

People make preparations daily for death, but I would never be able to believe that anyone would be humanly possible to emotionally prepare themselves for it. It was hard for me to believe my father was going to pass away so suddenly and unexpectedly, especially at a time where I felt our relationship was growing stronger.

New Birth

It was May 24, 2010. My eyes opened and pain immediately filled my entire body. I had just given birth to my first-born son, Elijah Jimil. I looked around to find someone in sight and there was no one there. A nurse came to my bedside saying, “Ms. Miles, everything is okay. We just need you to rest.” 

 “Where is my son?” I questioned. My mom makes her way in the room as tears immediately filled my eyes to run down my face. She kissed my face as I told her how much pain I was in. The pain didn’t amount to how bad I wanted to lay eyes on my son. In the shadows, I see a man walking in the room, with a huge smile on his face. He gets to the bed, kisses me on my forehead, and says, “Daddy is so proud of you baby.” Then, there were even more tears.

The nurse says, “Only one person can be in the room at a time.” My dad started to exit while explaining to the nurse, not very nicely might I add, how he was just trying to check on his baby. He walks out telling me he was going to check on his grandson.

The next day, my dad came back to the hospital and held Elijah for almost two hours. He didn’t say much of anything to me. I even remember dozing off a few times because of the medication. Every time I looked up, my dad was rocking and staring between Elijah and whatever I had on the television.

He’s Gone…

On July 23, 2010, my father was sent home on hospice after fighting colon cancer for five years. The family gathered at His home as he was made comfortable. We all disbursed to our own homes that evening with a plan of bringing food the next day. By the time I made it back to the house, my father’s breathing had become shallow and very faint. I was in the kitchen fixing a plate of food and I heard my sister say, “He’s gone y’all.” My body hit the floor. I finally made my way into the room where his body laid. 

Growing up, my little sister would be considered the “spoiled” child or “Daddy’s Girl”. As a child, I confused being spoiled with being more loved. One day I actually told my dad I felt he loved my sisters more because they were always getting what they wanted from him. His words to me were, “You have the same opportunities to get what you want and need from me, but you don’t ask.” He was right. In my mind, at the time I felt like it was wrong of me to always go and ask my dad for anything when my little sister was always going to him already for everything. I also felt like I didn’t call him enough or spent enough time with him to ask him for things I wanted or needed. I just never wanted my dad to feel like I only called him for those reasons. Point blank, I never in no shape, form, or fashion, felt unloved by my father, but as a young girl, I never knew how and what it meant for a father to show real love without having gifts and things I desired. As a teenager and an adult, as I grasped the concept of what a father’s love should consist of, I realized I looked forward to meals with my dad, going to church with him, and laughing until my stomach hurts more than having the materialistic things from him. Thankfully, I mastered this concept early on where that perception of love would not boil over into my relationships as an adult and successfully pass that on to my children.

Losing my father was TOUGH for two reasons. One, I had just left my home church a year before and he had become my pastor and baptized me. As my pastor, our relationship grew stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. I saw my father in a different light and didn’t want that light to dim from my life. I felt as if I was losing my new best friend. The second reason was Elijah. The look in his eyes on the day my son was born was inexplicable. My sister told me he preached about Elijah from the Bible for three weeks straight. When we were cleared to leave the house, after church was over, he gave the benediction and said, “Bring me my grandson.” You could see the joy in his eyes and hear it in his smile when he called to check on him. It pained me to come to grips with my dad not being able to see Elijah and the other grandchildren grow up. Even now, it hurts sometimes to think about how he never got a chance to meet all the other grandkids who have been born since his passing. 

What I Have Learned

People make preparations daily for death, but I would never be able to believe that anyone would be humanly possible to emotionally prepare themselves for it. It was hard for me to believe my father was going to pass away so suddenly and unexpectedly, especially at a time where I felt our relationship was growing stronger. Through my father’s passing, I was able to apply our bond to his wife, my stepmother, and my sisters. There were many things I did not know my father endured throughout his years of living. Knowing what I know now helped me to respect and love him even more than I did before. My prayer since he has passed and forever is hoping he knew just how much I loved and appreciated him before he left this earth and live daily spreading as much love and appreciation as I can to my family and friends so I won’t ever have to wonder with anyone else.

About Me

About Me

I am “The Vision Blogger”. I am a Lifestyle & Motivational Blogger, Writer, and Poet. I spend my days raising my three beautiful children, better known as, “My Three Piece”, and living my life to the absolute fullest. As a blogger, my goal is to push vision. I give my testimony of triumph through grief and loss of hope to ultimately give and offer hope to anyone who may be dealing with issues in life that may stop them from moving forward. 

Website: www.thevisionblogger.com

Facebook: The Vision Blogger

Instagram: the_vision_blogger

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Losing my Father to Cancer

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My dad was the only person who cared about my well being. Although he wasn’t my biological father, he was the only father…let alone the only parent in my life. My mother was on drugs by the time I was 5, battling an addiction to cocaine and pills. She lost that battle about two months before I left for college when she passed away from an overdose. My dad, however, was there for everything. My kindergarten graduation, every Christmas, any award ceremony, any big accomplishment, he was there. He even took me on my first real vacation to see the beach. That meant so much to me.  

When I was 21, I had gotten engaged and pregnant. I was 8 months pregnant when my ex fiancé at the time left me. Not only was I scared, but I was an emotional mess. I packed up some trash bags and moved back in with my dad. At that point he was the only stable thing I had. After having my son, we moved into our own apartment and my dad was mentally there for me. We spoke every single day, and he always checked on my son and I. Four months into starting a new job, the company let me go because they couldn’t afford to keep me on. The only person I truly had to help me was my dad. At that point, I was already barely making ends meet and had received an eviction notice. My sons father refused to help, so my dad allowed me to pay my rent with his credit card. I cried because I was so appreciative. I truly felt like he was the only person I had. I was okay with that. He’s my dad, my best friend.

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A few years later, my dad called me and told me his doctor said he needed to go to the Emergency Room to get some tests ran. I got the call that night from my cousin who went to visit him that he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. My heart sank and I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like my whole world had crashed. When he was transferred to another hospital that had a bigger oncology department, I decided to meet him there. He informed me that if he didn’t make it to my wedding in three months, he would have my uncle walk me down the aisle. I cried so hard. One of the biggest days of my life and he wouldn’t be there. Within two months his health drastically declined. All I could do was cry and pray that God would take his pain away.

The day our nurse informed us he had 24 to 48 hours to live, my world was crushed. I knew this time was coming, I just wasn’t as prepared. I honestly don’t think you ever are prepared for something like this. On a Saturday morning he was transferred to a hospice center, my sister, my cousin and I stayed all weekend. He was declining and the nurse told us his transition to passing had began. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy he was about to be out of pain or cry for my own selfish reasons. That Monday when we left for a break, he passed.

Coping with Fatherlessness

To this day the pain hasn’t gone away. I sometimes find myself carrying many emotions…sad, anger, happy, clueless. He wasn’t there for my wedding day, he won’t be there for when my next child is born. It breaks my heart, but the only thing that gets me through is knowing he’s watching every move I make. I’ve been to counseling for grief and I’m still going. If you don’t go, it is something I highly recommend. It has helped me sort through my issues and my grieving process. Life to this day isn’t the same and it never will be. I’m 25 with no parents and I’m scared. The world is a scary place. I go to church now in hopes to make my relationship with God stronger so he can help me through this. When I’m upset I have to remind myself that my dad wouldn’t want me to feel this way, he would want everything to be normal. Please always remember that you are not alone. This is not easy, but other women deal with the same thing. Remember what your father would want for you and live your life in honor of him.

Losing my Dad to Cancer

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

My dad was the only person who cared about my well being. Although he wasn’t my biological father, he was the only father…let alone the only parent in my life. My mother was on drugs by the time I was 5, battling an addiction to cocaine and pills. She lost that battle about two months before I left for college when she passed away from an overdose. My dad, however, was there for everything. My kindergarten graduation, every Christmas, any award ceremony, any big accomplishment, he was there. He even took me on my first real vacation to see the beach. That meant so much to me.  

When I was 21, I had gotten engaged and pregnant. I was 8 months pregnant when my ex fiancé at the time left me. Not only was I scared, but I was an emotional mess. I packed up some trash bags and moved back in with my dad. At that point he was the only stable thing I had. After I had my son, we moved into our own apartment and my dad was mentally there for me. We spoke every single day, and he always checked on me and my son. At the time, I truly felt like he was the only person I had. I was okay with that. He’s my dad, my best friend.

A few years later…

One day, my dad called me and told me his doctor said he needed to go to the Emergency Room to get some tests ran. I got the call that night from my cousin that he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer. My heart sank and I couldn’t stop crying. I felt like my whole world had crashed. When he was transferred to another hospital that had a bigger oncology department, I decided to meet him there. It was there that he informed me that if he didn’t make it to my wedding in three months, he would have my uncle walk me down the aisle. I cried so hard. One of the biggest days of my life and he wouldn’t be there.

The day our nurse informed us he had 24 to 48 hours to live, my world was crushed. I knew this time was coming, I just wasn’t as prepared. I honestly don’t think you are ever prepared for something like this. On a Saturday morning he was transferred to a hospice center, my sister, my cousin and I stayed all weekend. He was declining and the nurse told us his transition to passing had began. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy he was about to be out of pain or cry for my own selfish reasons. That Monday when we left for a break, he passed.

Coping with losing my dad

To this day the pain hasn’t gone away. I sometimes find myself carrying many emotions…sad, anger, happy, clueless. He wasn’t there for my wedding day, and he won’t be there for when my next child is born. It breaks my heart, but the only thing that gets me through is knowing he’s watching every move I make. I’ve been to counseling for grief and I’m still going. If you don’t go, it is something I highly recommend. It has helped me sort through my issues and my grieving process.

Life to this day isn’t the same and it never will be. I’m 25 with no parents and I’m scared. The world is a scary place. I go to church now in hopes to make my relationship with God stronger so he can help me through this. When I’m upset I have to remind myself that my dad wouldn’t want me to feel this way, he would want everything to be normal. Please always remember that you are not alone. This is not easy, but always remember what your father would want for you and live your life in honor of him.

Author: Anonymous

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